When you stop pulling and overthinking
True surrender begins with radical honesty.
This edition is arriving later than planned.
The last few weeks demanded a lot from me, on many levels.
Writing a newsletter from that place would’ve come from force, not flow.
And that’s exactly what I want to talk about today: surrender.
Surrender often sounds soft, even passive.
As if all you need to do is “just let go and trust.”
But what I’m learning more and more: surrender is an active state of being.
It asks for presence. Attention. And radical honesty.
Because true surrender starts with truth.
The courage to see what no longer fits: a role, a belief, a relationship, a pattern.
Not because it was bad, but because it’s no longer right.
And being honest about that, with yourself and others, might be the hardest part.
Especially when you’ve become attached to the safety of what’s familiar.
We often hold on to what we know, even when it hurts.
Predictable pain can feel safer than the unknown.
We unconsciously choose control, repetition, survival…
Because the brain prioritizes safety over freedom.
Surrender means facing what you already know.
Peeling back the layers of conditioning and coping.
Grieving what you’re letting go of.
And only then: making space for what wants to emerge.
That requires attunement.
To your body. Your boundaries. Your truth.
Not to disconnect from everything, but to connect more deeply to what’s real.
Surrender is not passive. It’s not “whatever happens, happens.”
It’s: “I see what no longer fits, and I’m willing to face the consequences of my clarity.”
So I can open to the next version of myself
one that isn’t shaped by fear, but by truth.
What science tells us about why letting go is so hard.
We tend to hold on to the familiar, even when it causes pain.
Not because we don’t know better, but because our systems were wired that way.
What once felt safe, people-pleasing, controlling, overachieving, may not serve us anymore, but it’s what our bodies know.
Attachment theory tells us that our emotional blueprint is shaped in our early years.
It’s when we learn, often unconsciously, what we have to do to receive love, attention, and safety.
If those things weren’t consistent, we adapt, by staying alert, avoiding conflict, performing, or becoming overly independent.
These strategies become shortcuts in our nervous system: survival patterns on autopilot.
Neuropsychology calls this neuroplasticity , the brain’s ability to rewire based on experience.
The more a thought or behavior is repeated, the deeper it gets imprinted.
Not because it’s true, but because it’s familiar.
Which is why even destructive patterns can feel “safe”,
and why the unknown (even if it’s better for us) feels threatening to a brain that’s wired for protection.
That’s why surrender is not just a mental decision. It’s a physiological shift.
It means retraining the body.
Letting your system experience safety in new ways.
Creating new neural pathways, ones that lead not to survival, but to presence.
Surrender starts small.
A breath. A pause. A quiet “I don’t know.”
It might not feel liberating at first.
It might feel like loss.
But what if it’s also the beginning?
What if that moment, the letting go, is the seed of something you never dared to imagine?
With love,
Mo
To listen:
Know Thyself – Surrender with Kute Blackson
One of those rare episodes where I found myself nodding the whole way through.
Honest, clear, and right on point — about how real growth begins the moment you admit the old no longer fits.
To read:
Hardwiring Happiness – Rick Hanson
A gentle, science-based guide to rewiring your brain for safety and joy — using micro-moments of positive experience to build lasting inner strength.
When the Body Says No – Gabor Maté
A powerful book on how suppressed emotions and survival patterns get stored in the body — and how true healing begins when we allow ourselves to feel and embody our truth.