Being aware is a practice

Every two weeks I share a short reflection. Sometimes grounded in science, sometimes more from the spiritual realm, but always honest about what moves me, confuses me, or wakes me up.

This newsletter isn’t a roadmap to ‘enlightenment’ or fixed truths.
It’s an invitation to think, feel, question, and explore together.
Not to know better, but to be different – in ourselves and in the world around us.

Today, we're diving deeper into being aware.

How I got lost in my own story (again)
A while ago, I was running around (again). Working hard, organizing everything, trying to hold it all together. And somewhere deep down, I was hoping someone would say, “You’re doing great. I see you.”

But instead, I felt alone. Overwhelmed. Unseen.

And then it started: blame. First towards others. Then towards myself. Eventually towards the entire universe.
Why do I have to do this all alone?
Why isn’t it working?
Why am I back here again?

And then suddenly… space.
Not because it all vanished, but because I could see it.
As if a little light switched on in my head – or maybe in my heart.
“Oh,” I thought, “this is awareness. Not the storm disappearing, but realizing the storm is happening.”

It lasted maybe ten seconds.
But it was enough to open something.

Did you know that an emotion – anger, sadness, fear – biologically only lasts about 90 seconds?
If you fully feel it, without resistance or story, it simply flows through.
What lingers is often a mental loop – not the feeling itself, but your entanglement with it.

And that’s where awareness begins: in noticing.
Not fixing. Not analyzing.
Just being with what is.

Awareness vs. consciousness
Awareness is the ability to notice what’s happening right now — in your body, your emotions, your thoughts.
Consciousness is something bigger: the field in which everything appears. The source, the timeless witness, the presence beyond identity.

This edition is about the first. Next time, I’ll take you into the second.

Awareness isn’t the same as knowledge.
You can know everything about your trauma or your attachment style, and still react unconsciously.
Knowledge lives in your head.
Awareness lives in your whole system.

It’s also space. Tthe pause between stimulus and response. That moment where you realize: “I don’t need to do anything with this. I can just feel it.”

And it lives in the body, not just the mind.
Your heartbeat, your breath, your tension: they’re all messengers. The mind thinks. The body remembers.

There are layers to awareness. From “I see what I’m thinking” to “I feel the energy in the room” to “I am the one observing it all.”
Sometimes I feel all of them.
Sometimes I get stuck in my head or caught in my trigger.
But more and more, I catch myself and go: “Oh well. I fucked up.” And then I breathe, gather myself, and begin again.

That’s the practice.

Awareness isn’t an identity. It’s not a destination.
It’s not “I’ve made it” or “I’m not there yet.”
It’s a practice. A way of living.
Messy. Real. And completely alive.

To listen:
On Being – Ellen Langer on mindfulness without the mystique.
Ellen Langer is a psychologist at Harvard and a pioneer of what she calls “mindful research.” Through scientific studies, she shows how mindlessness — living on autopilot is one of our biggest traps. Her take on awareness is playful, grounded, and backed by science. No meditation cushion required. Just presence.

To read:
My Stroke of Insight by neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor moved me deeply. After suffering a stroke in her left hemisphere, the side responsible for language and control, she experienced pure awareness through the right: intuitive, sensory, fully in the now. A clear and spiritual wake-up call, supported by science.

Untamed by Glennon Doyle is a book about living wildly, but mostly about all the stories you first have to unlearn to get there. Stories about who you should be, how you should feel, and what’s expected of you. She writes with such honesty, clarity, and precision that you’ll laugh out loud… and maybe cry a little too.